In the first few months after leaving the NICU, I knew I needed a more mindful approach to motherhood. I thought calm would just arrive on its own, without any help from me. Maybe once we had fewer appointments to think about, or when our preemie was stronger. I’ve since learned that calm doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It’s not a personality trait either. It’s a skill that I am so committed to mastering!
The older our little boy gets, the more important it feels to me to create a mindful motherhood. Not just for me, but for the whole family. We live in a world that celebrates being busy and exhausted like it’s a badge of honour. We’re encouraged to think silence is easier than tough conversations, we should do more and say less. It’s overwhelming.
Being Present
It’s so easy to spend each day concentrating on the next load of washing. The next milestone, spending every day rushing and not being present. That’s why intentional living has become so important to me. It doesn’t mean life is perfect and peaceful. It isn’t, especially straight after NICU. However, it taught me the importance of being present. That calm isn’t about having a quiet life. It’s how you react and protect your peace, even when it’s hard. So you can stop living in a constant state of urgency. It’s no good for our nervous systems, and our little ones are regulated by them.
I started by creating routines, rituals that help me feel grounded. For me, calm living looks like simple things:
- a cup of tea before the day gets busy. Breakfast up the table, the three of us.
- walking outdoors (even if it’s just around the garden first thing in the morning)
- cooking meals from scratch.
- keeping our home cosy and comfortable.
- putting my phone down more often.
- creating small ‘anchors’ of peace throughout the day.
These won’t solve every problem. Together, they help me feel more present, more patient, and really connected with my family, and even myself.
Lessons along the way
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that calm doesn’t come from controlling everything around you. Which is tough for somebody with anxiety and OCD. Control is what gives me security. Life will always hit us with problems, but when we prioritise our mindset and our home environment. We build more resilience to handle those moments differently. I’m making conscious choices that support the kind of life I want to create. Less rushed, less chaotic and more intentional. Truthfully, I don’t want to look back on motherhood and remember how consistently busy and tired I was. How I was complaining instead of being present. Which brings me to the importance of boundaries and environment.
The uncomfortable part of mindfulness
You have to gain self-awareness and responsibility for the part you play. This part of mindful parenting doesn’t always feel calm or peaceful. Sometimes it’s even uncomfortable. Having the conversation you’ve been avoiding, setting a boundary, saying no, and, at times, you may disappoint people. Keeping the peace and protecting your peace are vastly different. Keeping the peace often meant avoiding conflict, staying quiet or putting everyone else’s needs before my own. Protecting my peace means doing the opposite. It means communicating honestly, setting healthy boundaries and addressing problems. Not pretending they don’t exist. Those conversations aren’t always comfortable in the moment, but they often create more calm in the long run.
True mindfulness is built on self-awareness, honesty, and the courage to face what needs to be faced. Not silence and ignorance.
What’s one thing you could do this week to protect your peace a little more? Even a small change can make a big difference.
If you’re also figuring out what a calmer motherhood. I share daily reflections, real life and recipes over on Instagram @deliciouslycosy
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