World Breastfeeding Week 🍼
I never intended to share these pictures or my story to be honest but it’s breastfeeding week. This is for those whose story is a little different.
If you aren’t aware I went into labour 9 weeks early you can read about my birth story ‘here‘
When you have a premature baby, the odds are pretty much stacked against you. Two days after giving birth he was on a ventilator and couldn’t breathe on his own. We were in intensive care when the doctors told me that I would need to harvest colostrum for 2 days straight and then I needed to start pumping. You need to express because every feed is done medically. It had to be through a tube and we needed to know exactly how much he was getting especially when he would eventually transition to bottles.
Liquid Gold
Harvesting colostrum usually takes place around 36-37 weeks of pregnancy. I was 31 weeks, so they informed me how hard it was going to be, but it was vital, so I needed to try.
And to cut a long story short, if I couldn’t get any milk out, Bobby could potentially not make it.
This sounds way too dramatic, but it’s true, and it makes me feel sick even saying it. If I couldn’t express milk, we would have to use formula, and for a baby so small and so premature, he had a massive risk of NEC, which is a serious illness and can cause death in infants.
I was staring at him on a ventilator in an incubator, and the pressure was enormous.
Potential Donor
I was so scared that I couldn’t do it, I actually filled out a form for a donor because the thought of losing him was too much. Even if he needed a donor it gets so filtered so much there’s hardly any fat left. This means they don’t gain the weight they so desperately need to catch up on, which means he would need a fortifier anyway.
I remember going back to the maternity ward so scared and so emotional, I just cried. I didn’t even want to breastfeed, that wasn’t part of my plan. The thought of breastfeeding made me really anxious. I knew a couple of people who struggled with their health due to the complications of breastfeeding with mastitis, etc, and I thought if I didn’t breastfeed, I could recover quicker both physically and mentally.
Harvesting Colostrum – how on earth do you do that?!
That night, we had to get a nurse to show me how to harvest colostrum, and she managed to help me squeeze 0.4ml out. It was so painful, so uncomfortable, but it had to be done. It was worse than the labour, I wish I was joking.
Anyway, as if me and bill wasn’t close enough I then had to show Bill how to help me syringe this ‘liquid gold’ out of me 😅 we managed to double what I originally got out with the nurse which started to fill me with a bit more confidence and when we took the colostrum down the NICU the nurses were so shocked and so pleased they said this was going to really set him off to a good start as soon as he could start eating.
We got colostrum for 2 days, and they were happy for me to then start expressing every 2-3 hours.
I was so surprised by how hard this was mentally! I cannot tell you how mentally exhausting it was. Splitting my time between constant kangaroo care (skin to skin for hours), expressing milk every 3 hours day and night while trying to recover, and taking in all of this intense medical information, it really took it out of me. Still, I had to just pretend it was fine because I had no choice. I would’ve loved to have had 5 days in bed of newborn bliss, but that just wasn’t our reality.
Expressing Milk
The first lot of milk I expressed was 25ml. I had no idea if that was good or not, but we took it down, and they were happy. That meant we had enough for a few feeds, which gave me a bit of breathing space.
The second feed, however, I managed to get 80ml! And it just went from there. I had stacks in their freezer, he was set for days. It meant we didn’t need a doner, which I was so happy about. They would joke that I had an entire shelf to myself in their, they couldn’t believe it!
I spent one week in the hospital, while Bobby was in NICU for one month, and something I struggled with was having to come home, without him, but continue to pump and express milk when I wasn’t even in the same town as him.
This was one of the most complex parts of motherhood for me by far. I still look back at that time. Wincing at the thought of the sheer pain or that dreaded sound of the machine. I am so proud of myself. I was constantly fearful, and we somehow managed to get through it as a family.
Formula Feeding
We ended up using formula after a month or so because the fat content in my milk wasn’t enough. Prem babies have to gain weight pretty fast. So we did half breast milk and half Nutri-Prem formula. We gradually went over to Nutri-Prem fully, which is a specific formula for babies who need it.
At first, I wasn’t even sure if I could talk about a breastfeeding journey. I mean, he never ‘physically’ latched once. Still, I guess that’s the point of these awareness weeks not every journey is straightforward. Not every story is the same.
We always say when we look back at ourselves during that time in NICU, we really feel sorry for ourselves. It’s hard to explain just how intense NICU is.
So just as a nod to mums, if you are in the midst of motherhood and it’s feeling tough. Just remember to give yourself some grace. You’ve grown a human from scratch, given birth with strength and resilience. Your body is incredible, and don’t let anyone take that from you or tell you different.
And however you feed your baby is the right way.
Don’t forget if you want to stay updated on my motherhood journey you can follow me on instagram ‘here‘. It’s a mixture of motherhood, food and home comforts.
♡
